Smileache

Do you know that feeling when everyone was trying to cheer you up, saying things like 'Hope you get better soon' or 'Smile, you'll feel better', but they have no idea why they're saying that? As if they're in charge of your life, and saying those things feels like an automated response, set within human's mind, whenever we see someone's feeling down and we feel that we need to help in some way. Therefore, we say meanless things like that, without even considering what happened. Because sometimes, we feel the need to keep some problems or secrets to ourselves. It's not trust, but we don't want people meddling in our affairs, because we are in-charge of our own life. And friends eventually will not stick around for 24 hours anyway.

But they will say anything,help you with everything so that we get our life back on track, realising that life isn't as 'dark' as we thought it be. If we stay gloomy like this forever, we'll be missing our purpose in life. And how would we expect to find happiness and letting others in our life to make it more 'beautiful' than we know it?

Perhaps, emphaty is the key to achieve the intended results preferred here. We want our friends to be happy, but we need to remember, that friends are also human. They face things like conflicts, and some handle it better than others, sure. Let's put it that way. Even I have no clue. But, life goes on. You don't stop for things like this, you push them/or carry them along, bearing a 'smile' even if it aches. Thus, the title 'Smileache' =)

P/S: I wonder, if things have been different, life would better by a little. At least, than it did previously.
Here's hoping my life would get better. Soon.

The Crappy Analyst: Part 1 Portugal-Spain

So as promised, here's my analysis on the final four teams that has made it into the semis!

PORTUGAL

Portugal started off a bit flimsy, losing to Germany and their talisman player having trouble to get the momentum going for the team. But, their victory against Netherlands proved that C.R is a threat to any teams in the world, regardless of his competition with L.Messi, arguably the current world's best. Perhaps their style is a bit of a thrill, with occassional long shots to compliment the cross from wingers provided by Nani, Meireles and sometimes, the wingbacks, Coentrao.

Man to Watch: CRISTIANO RONALDO

Obviously, he's proven it in his team of Real Madrid, and up against Spain in the semis, he even commented to stop 'whining', a psychological warfare made famous by none other than the special 'Mou'. His dribbling skills are extraordinary, (only Messi can top that..Neymar=meh), and his surge of speed can prove to be helpful in fast-counter attacking style that they practiced in Real Madrid.

SPAIN

The current title holder, Spain started off a bit slow on getting the results, especially after they're missing David Villa, and Torres poor form of the seasons, leading them to rely on 5 midfielders but they constantly adding goals to their tally after the Ireland performance. Xavi and Iniesta is just too powerful in midfield, especially since they donned the 'Total Football' of tiki taka style that are made famous by Netherlands, and also practice in Barcelona, which are their current teams. Most of Spanish players are based in Spain, so they know each other styles of play and will try to accomodate the lack of force in the attack with the massive percentage on possession to frustrate the defenders.

Man to Watch: Iniesta

It's really hard to watch Spain plays without Iniesta. To be honest, he should play more on a central role and let Pedro gets a start on the left. Instead, Iniesta starts on the left, with Silva on the mid, and Xavi on the right. It done so well for Spain so far, but in my opinion, Iniesta can be the false '9' ala Messi for Barcelona (before Villa's injury). This man on his finest form can penetrate even the toughest defending teams (italy), and he proves it time and time again as a good playmaker and dribbler as well.

SPAIN VS PORTUGAL (1-0)

I'm sorry Portugal fans, my bet on Spain. Portugal looks fragile on the back, even with Pepe, and mid-control are decisive here. I have huge respect for Portugal of course, should they're the one to score, Spain could be having trouble to chase. Will be a very open game, with Spain possibly dominating the posession, and Portugal relying on the speed on the wingers to get Ronaldo into place to shoot/head into goals. Funny, feels like a Barcelona vs Real Madrid game. Anyone? No? :P

Lovability: Chapter 1: Fated Co-incidence

It was a very hot afternoon. People were getting on and off from the commuter (KTM) station on one of the busiest hours ever seen by men. They were so focused on their own private journey, that they fail to care for others who may need their attention. A man among them, is desperately manuevering around the hustle bustle to find the platform that will take him home. The station is so packed with people. Ignorant people. It generates a very unpleasant atmosphere, to the eyes of a person who lives in one of the capital of Malaysia, the famous city of Kuala Lumpur. But, everyone seems okay with it. To them, 'courtesy' is a foreign culture. If you ever practice it in the city of KL, people will treat you differently (or the same, as said, nobody cares). The man, called Niko went up the stairs to board the KTM (commuter) from a platform that will take him to Damansara, and he would grab a taxi later to go to the residence area where he lived. He had it all planned out. He grabs his backpocket to find his Blackberry. He take a glance at thetime on the widget of his Blackberry. Why didn't he buy a watch? He couldn't because that kinds of a man he is. Thrifty. Spent on his business and everything
-12.45 pm
I'm late! He thought to himself. He was supposed to meet a woman, his neighbours to be specific, for an English lesson. Working as a part-time job repairing all kinds of electronic stuffs, he needed more education. The woman, Maria, has always been a help to her, as she graduated from Havard University, and is currently waiting to further her Masters degree. She always rambles on how her father wanted her to come back to serve the government that helped her parents went through university and be in the position they're in. To Niko, she's lucky. To Maria, her parents are picky.

 
As he managed to squeeze his way through to the waiting platforms for the train to come, his phone rang.
Crangggggg, crannnggggg
Uh-oh.
"um..Hello?"
You're better be walking in front of that door in 5 minutes, or, I'm the one walking out! Maria's familiar voice shrieked through the speakers of the Blackberry like as if she's shouting it through your ears directly. Some kids nearby stopped and looked around to find the source of the monstrous sound, and when they can't, they asked their parents if they could hear the voice. Their parents however, remain uninterested.

Click. The person on the other side hunged up.
Gah.
Suddenly, Niko heard an announcement made through the old, rusty yet reliable audio system coming from the left.
Platform 3, Train to Damansara will be arriving in 5 minutes. Mind the gap. Mind the gap.
As the train arrived, he climbed abroad and took the first seat available to him. He couldn't care. He must have enough rest to endure Maria's "wrath" after arriving there late. As he rests his head on the seat, the distant sound of the train whirring away from the platform and the sound of people chitchatting fades away, and there's nothing but blankness. He fell asleep.

***

So, how's the lesson today? Maria asked.

She's a very good-looking woman, with dimpels on both of her cheeks. Her hair is long enough until her shoulders, to imitate 'the Western' look, that Niko has no idea what that is. She's neither tall nor short, and she is very particular about her body shape. Niko once told her that he wanted a jar of cookie, but instead mistakenly called her the jar of cookie, and he gets a really nice 'treatment' from Maria for 'disrespecting women's figure'. Oh, and Maria is a bit rough too. She once gets into an argument with a punk calling her a 'bitch', and the story ended up the punk getting a really nice punch at the stomach. She told Niko, had she aimed for the 'down blow', that man will not be able to stand up straight! Niko laughed nervously when she told her that story, and always kept an eyes on Maria's arms whenever he can.

Fine. Em, tapi, susahlah nak master.  

It comes gradually. Boleh punya lah. Maria slapped Niko's arm. He rubbed his arm to reduce the pain, as if it works. It stings!

Emm, by the way, I fixed your Ipod.

Really? Thanks, how was it? Maria eyes widened. It feels like she's given a new toy to play with.

Fine. Thank you. Haha. Take care of it please! Niko try to make it as if it's a warning, but Maria wasn't listening. She was busy firing up all the applications in the Ipod she missed the chance during her birthday after she allegedly 'dropped' the Ipod into the washing machine.

A fine gift for a birthday, an Ipod. Niko thought to himself.

Yet, she dropped it. Into a washing machine. Great.

She has the luxury to dropped things into anything! 

Maria picked something up from the table. It's a very pretty music box with carvings on the outside of box that says operor panton in diligo. 

Someone special gives this to you? Niko shooks his head. It was a couple, if he could remembered it well, it was just last week. They're about to get married 3 days from today. He just added a new priority of things to do on his head. While he's busy thinking of things to do, Maria blurted a question that even he could not answer.

When will you have a girlfriend? 

Niko seems stunned. They never discussed things like this, especially not in his work environment. Before he could answer, Maria's phone rang. Hold on a sec.

 Yes. Yes, I'll be there. ASAP!

Daddy met an accident! Tears flowing from her eyes.

She rushed hour in an instance, leaving Niko stood there, surprised with what just happened. Had this been a plot for a series, he would do something. But he grabbed a chair and seat and ponders upon the question. As he set his gaze on the music box, the pain on his arm came kicking back. Ouch. He lets out a faint smile.

The Blinded Sight

Hey all.

Have you ever stumble upon the phrase "Friends who laughed with you during your happy moments are friends you'll remember, but those who cried with you when you're at your lowest points in life, are the ones you'll keep and stay in your memories FOREVER?"
 It's never that simple, isn't it?



I know I rarely emphatizes with people, making inappropriate comments or jokes in the middle of a conversation, among friends, people that I knew even or strangers, because I wanted them to remember me as a person who is bubbly, lively.

Or do I?

I fail to see what're the important things in friendship. Caring, listening to problems, all the touchy-feely stuffs. And why is that? Because it's awkward for me to go against my personality that I projected among friends. I approach my way of friend-ship differently. I wanted to be unique.

Or, could it be sheer ignorance?

Perhaps, I'm afraid, time will come when this happiness moments will stop, and I had to sit by myself, alone, and cry.

But I was ignorant. Why can't I feel happy for them? Instead of sulking and being sad on the middle of a farewell. I choose to seclude myself from the spot. Saying it'll be alright.
Again, I was ignoring my own feelings.


That's exactly what happened when I sat down at the Victoria Coach Station.

No more friends that I can have fun with.
No more jokes to make.

It's all sadness.
And my pride was injured.

"A wounded animal, on its' dying breath, fought the fiercest"

And I injured others in the process.
I'm aware of that.

But feelings let me be, because it's taken over logic and my mental processes.



I wish I could change it all that, forgive me.
And if you're reading this, and you're saying I'm not what I think I am,
Thank you.

You fail to understand me.
But it's alright, this shrouded mystery in life is better left unspoken.
Because it'll just bring another confusion to an already complicated life.

But, promise this, if I ever hurt you, or say bad things and failed to be a 'friend'
Give me a slap of reality.
Hard.

The Graceful Fall

Plymouth Bus, 11.55pm

Edited: 1.57am House 24

As the bus slowly moving in the dark of night on a light rain, I whipped out my trusty companion, ol'Tabby and started writing. Topic? Well, ain't got a damn clue. But I feel like I've to write something. Here goes nothing!

1) The Wish

I dedicated this entry to my friends who  had already reached Malaysia. I'm sorry for the years I had been such a brat, 'kutuk' org sana sini, and as I saw my reflection on the bus side mirror, looking fatigued and blank as the silence of people creeps in the bus, creating a shadowy atmosphere even worse than death. I had a recap of what happened during my stay in London.

1a) The Gauge

What a nightmare to look at the face of crying people at the airport. Either friends or not, it was a tragic moment especially looking at them who were just suppose to be sending-off. But God knows better. They are making the best efforts to ensure everyone can fly. I couldn't think of anything better to say thank you, to all the juniors, and God knows how it would feel if not for them, we'll be hungry, we'll be deserted, we'll be handicapped, because MARJON is not complete without both MARJON 1 and MARJON 2, and all it's people.

1b) The Small World

It's a small world after all. Never have I met a family that so random, yet so close to our house in Sungai Petani. Thanks for accomodating us! A lovely, warming, accepting family. Mama, miss you now :`(

2) The Stop

Crying is like a disease. You started by getting 'symptoms ', than it attacks your 'immunity' and when you're at the 'weakest', it takes over you and your body 'responds'. If we see cryingi, in my case, it happened when I were asleep in the Tube. I could not for the life of me, even slightest remember what I dreamt about, but it was very dark. I started pondering. Is that how I see things? As an imaginary blank space that's waiting to be filled? Like a void that needs closure before it gets bigger?

As I ponders about the questions and walking towards the Victoria Station, I knew something's wrong.

MY HEART is already filled with tears. My body don't. 

As I looked down at the floor panels and ignoring the voices around me in the hustle of UK's most busiest transports terminal, instants flashbacks and memry kicked in. Events. Faces. Scenery. Jokes. 

But I keep resisting. I'm strong.

And that's when my arrogance was put in its place.

From a conversation between two ladies  that is anonymous and so random, but her words, cut through this layer of ignorance of my own feelings effortlessly.

SHE: Would you be my 'guardian angel' and guard my bags for me. We just have to operate on the basis of trust, m'afraid.

The old lady said: Sure m'darlin' No problem.

I kept my cool.

I had to, I'm a man.

They'll be back.

They will.

Friends do that, don't they?

...

...

I promised them I will meet them again.

...

That's when I realised I screwed up. I kept saying insyaAllah, we'll meet again. And again.

...

To everyone.

But.

How? How could I? It's a daunting task, and I could not be bothered by then, but now. Only now.

I clasped my face with my hands.

Warm. 

A drop of tear.

OK.. weird.

And another.

It was so soothing. I laughed and tried my best to say I can't,

but my heart said 'Let it be'

Why heart?

Heart: ' One day you'll SURELY meet them again'

Thanks Heart.

I wiped my tears. I let out a short laugh.

All was said and done. Thanks. 

Obvious & Subtle Things

OBVIOUS
If you're expecting a good post, well, lower your expectations.
I ain't a good blogger, not because I am built this way, but I am too 'busy' to indulge myself constructing words, letters and sentences together. I have assignments that literally forces me to spend time doing that, so why bother?


I wish you could answer that for me, because I hate finding answers to questions I don't want to know the answers.

Aren't questions suppose to have answers?
Not, if you don't want it to be.
But every answers comes from a question! How do you explain that?
Nope. Not every question has an answer though.

And the point is?

See what I did there? :)


SUBTLE
Ever cried? Once? How do you like it? Well, crying can be seen resources human does to ease their pain. Yup, there's a lot other ways out there a human being can think of, but let us think about tears. Why is it more apparent on woman? Why does when a woman cries, it's a normal thing, but for a man, it's not?

Hell no! I cried. And I am a man.
Context. If you cried because you just lose a lottery ticket that probably will lead you to win jackpot money (pardon my 'noob'ness in gambling lol ;p), or anything that doesn't come from the heart, it's not the same wavelength with how women see crying as their tools of potraying their pain, responded by the water/salt/unicorn'ssweat coming from the tears' gland in their eyes.

So, a man has no EMOTION whatsoever, hence they don't cry?
Sad thing about this is, man don't think they have no emotions, but simply, letting it slide in women's mind that they appear so. Because, men are suppose to be a wall that women can lean on, if they are potrayed as a men who cry everytime, every SINGLE time, then, who's the real 'women' in the situation.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not bashing on those men who cry. Heck, even I do, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. But it's the belief coming from society's convention that segregate us from displaying certain behaviours, with the fear that we are potraying ourselves as someone else, outside the norm from a community.

Believe me, a man who cares, doesn't even need to cry in public, just to prove a point to the interested parties, but as long as his intentions are clear, and the person he's responding to understand, we don't even need to enter this 'emotions debate' that a man or woman should have.

That being said, I wonder when my next blog going to be. Perhaps a comedic act will 'relieve' the tensioness of my posts so far. Well, that's the fun part of being a drama teacher. We know suspense even before we see one!

Till next time!

Late on The Bandwagon!

Hello!
How are you?
My name.. Yours?
That's a beautiful name!
Looking forward to it!

1) Well, aren't we fancy ourselves with greetings and hellos, that sooner, we're humbled by the words such as 'goodbyes', 'farewell'! Gosh, that's scary, in'nit? :p

To be honest, I don't care for it a bit. No, not that I am a tainted/heartless/soulless human being, but, aren't goodbyes like saying it's all 'good' and 'byes'. Are we really leaving ourselves into hands of fate to decide what is 'good' and what is 'bad'? We choose, if we part, or we 'force' to part, but if we don't make the necessary efforts to keep our 'good' in 'goodbyes', then, what's the point of saying it at all?

By the way, this suppose to be an introductory post, and I already throw pretty much 95% in my mind right now to all you readers out there, (if there's any lolzee) and there's 5% left to talk about. :)

2) Time is getting less 'longer' than usual shall we say, because now, everyone has a date to look forward to. As a human being, should we be concerned? Should we plan ahead our lives? I believe my first post has stated that we should, given that 'fate' doesn't really comes into account much when it is about living life and such. And for me, I am too having some dates I am looking forward too.

I guess that's all, from me to you. Spread the joy, and love life.
Till next time, bb, and happy2 selalu!

Regards,
Hafiz